I was blind-sided today in a way I never expected. (Although I guess if it was expected it would not be called a blind-side). I found myself sobbing uncontrollably because a memory that was dormant for a long time came to the surface.
My dearly beloved passed away from lung cancer 8 years ago. The grieving process successfully brought me healing. When I think of him now I recall him with fondness and love, not with pain. It is rare that some sight, sound, or piece of news evokes sadness. Very often a smile comes to my face when I recall him and the time we shared.
Today, however, as I was surfing through blogs I came across a touching story Letting Go about a young woman’s last exchange with her mother as the daughter was dying of muscular dystrophy. It was beautifully written. Those kinds of things always bring a tear to my eye. But this particular piece evoked deep emotion because at the end of life the mother had said to her daughter exactly what I had said to my husband. She gave her daughter permission to let go. The daughter died later the same night. The last thing I had said to my husband on the night that he died after telling him I loved was that my daughter and I would be ok. And it was ok for him to let go. Shortly after I said those words he passed away.
I had not thought of that very private moment for a long time so when I read the story on the blog today I was flooded with emotion. I was thankful to be home alone so no one witnessed my breakdown. But I am fine. It was a memory that needed to be revisited. I find it therapeutic to rewind and replay these important moments so the loved ones’ memory continues to remain alive and so we continue to heal. This story in the original blog was in a category labeled Fiction/Shorts. I sense that it was a very real memorial. Even if it was a work of fiction, it was very real to me.
A memory of grief, just another thread of my life.